It’s a crazy story of what happened.
The Heist: How Two Dudes Pulled Off the Greatest Art Robbery in History
Boston, Massachusetts, 1:24 a.m. on March 18, 1990, St. Patrick’s Day, two thieves dressed as police officers walked to the side door of the museum and said they were responding to a disturbance call. Once inside they tied up the two guards and spent 81 minutes looting the museum of 13 treasures. They used duct tape. It looks fake. Like what youd do if staging a crime. It’s just so JV.
That’s the story.
They cut priceless works of art out of frames. It was a hatchet job. It pains me just to write that. Savage. (Clearly hired guys with the guts to do it but not the heart to care to consider.)
It’s the largest single property theft in the world. Still unsolved. Not one piece returned.
That it’s of a woman’s art collection and life’s work is just so rude. Is sexism a motive? Seems obvious now, but to say that back then would’ve been swiftly dismissed. Maybe not the reason but an added bonus? Ooof.
The Fallout: How the Robbery Changed Boston and the Art World
35 years later and still unsolved, the robbery has become mythic. The image of the long-haired security guard (looking like he just got done with a shift at The Ratt IYKYK) tied up with duct tape done by a child, looks like something in a student film, not how the biggest robbery of personal property in history went down. The FBI and America’s best law enforcement outmatched by…dudes who duct tape like a child. None-the-less, one of the most valuable art collections in the world taken in the night never seen again.
Well, obviously they have been seen, just not by any honest types.
A Cultural Crime: Why Isabella Stewart Gardner’s Legacy Deserves Better
- Whitey Bulger was still a king in Boston crime, still freely marauding and criming about.
- The Gulf War, that first one that lasted “a few days” was still 6 months away, so just a dream in George Herbert Walker Bush’s eye. The VP was an Indiana guy who famously couldn’t spell potato and more notable criticized beloved badass TV character Murphy Brown for being a single mother. Bush senior was the former top guy at the CIA who “ couldn’t remember where he was when Kennedy was shot (!). Ah, Yale legacy DEI hires.
- Michael Dukakis had gone back to his job as Massachusetts Governor, as he was beloved, having lost to Bush who used his wife’s alcohol addition to disparage him and his family, as well as race baiting with Willy Horton ads.
- A few months earlier a white Revere man shot and killed his pregnant wife and shot himself, lying to cops claiming “a black guy” did it. He’d killed himself a couple months earlier jumping off Boston landmark, the Tobin Bridge. He’d tried to recruit several brothers and a friend to help him, but no one said or did anything to stop it.
That’s the environment in Boston we are dealing with.
Mariah Carey was unknown as her Vision of Love was weeks away from release. We were still 9 months away from Home Alone and Pretty Woman coming out and Ghost was three months from release. Bill Cosby was America’s dad. (I just threw up a little ooof.) Twin Peaks was three weeks from its premiere.
The Berlin Wall was 6 months from falling. Yep, East and West Germany and every other country still struggling was still a thing. The Cold War was very on.
Insult to Injury: Let’s Move This Story Along and Get Some Pieces Back
The Hunt Continues: 35 Years Later, the FBI Is Still in the Dark
An appeal to the robbers/holders of the art.
Listen, the art should be returned because these incredible pieces are for all of us to enjoy. A rich woman bought them, brought them to America, and put them out for everyone to enjoy and learn from. AND she built an amazing space to hold it all. This is the vibe we want more rich people to have and yet, thievery.
Now, we all know it’s likely on some wealthy persons yacht, or Swiss Chalet or Middle Eastern Palace. Maybe an apartment in St. Petersburg or New York? They could be in a warehouse, but I don’t think so. Something tells me these are out and being enjoyed and those who see them either don’t know, or won’t say.
The point is these 13 works are somewhere, being enjoyed by some people, and it’s time for a next act: They reappear.
It could be bigger than Banksy if they do it right?
Authorities have “tried” to get them back. In 35 years, with all the tech advancements, and all the surveillance all over, nada. Me thinks big fuquery is still afoot.
An Appeal to the Thieves: Time to Return the Art for the Legacy of Isabella Stewart Gardner
Now I’d like to appeal to something else: this woman’s legacy.
In the name of Isabella Stewart Gardner I’d like them back. She deserves better. Not many women have established themselves as modern patrons of art, and done so much to preserve and help artists, as well as inform and spread art awareness. Let alone in America where all can enjoy. She deserves better.
So I’d like to call on the thieves, or rather, those who have them – because they are NOT the same person – to return something to me. Yes me. It’s time something in the museum gets back. And plus, you’ve had it this long you’ve enjoyed it enough.
You know you want to play.
So, to advance the jeu, and indeed show some goodwill towards Isabella’s good name and allow the works to be enjoyed again by regular folk, send them to me. I’ll get it to authorities. (But like, don’t scare me in this. Do it chill like. Be cool.)
Come on, this way its more interesting. Returning it to a woman Bostonian is more fitting, right? Isabella would like this.
À très vite…
Of course, if you have information call the authorities! See the museum website as well for information on the ten million dollar reward and more.
Wants to know. Has some questions. Very Sag. Always up for pizza. Planning several trips. Big fan of joy. Wants to talk about it. All of them. Is sure we can figure out this whole living thing. Is rooting for you.
